Hello, there! I’m Christopher, which you should have known if you saw my cute little green logo. So, let me not distract you from the following post. I hope you like it! I’d love to hear your thoughts after you’re done reading it! Enjoy!
November 28th is pretty much one of the most difficult days of my life. If you could tell by the title of the post, it is the day that my grandma died. But ironically, on the same day one year before, I started my website. It's a polarizing day for me of celebrating life and/or death.
In 2014, I hit the "Publish" button on my Weebly editor, and my website rocketed into cyberspace. It was an amazing day for me (which you can read more in "I Got A Story - The Genesis Of My Website") and it was quite a year of adventure for me (oh, and the year after as well). I met so many amazing people through my website and some of them still come and support me. A few I even communicate personally via email and such. And I have so much to celebrate! God has really blessed me and others through my blog. Thanks for all your support!
But then, to know that my grandma died on the same day I started my website is really tough on me. My grandma and grandpa are divorced and my grandma lived closer to us than my grandpa. So I saw my grandma a lot more than I saw my grandpa. I only saw her once or twice a year, so I didn't know her extremely well, but a lot lot better than I know my grandpa. But whenever you lose a relative, it is always sad. In fact, losing the grandparent you knew better is really tough.
Man, I sound like a confused MP3 player.
I really do love my grandma and the impact she's had on the family. I really do. And I really love my website and what it's done for me and others. I feel really divided.
For today, I will talk about my grandma. And on November 28th, I will do a post on my 2nd year anniversary of my website. Neither post will be easy to write. And it's even hard to think about what to write.
I mentioned that my grandma had an impact on this family. I remember my dad sharing the day after we heard about her death was that she was responsible for bringing my dad to Christ. After my grandma was divorced, she started attending a church where she soon came to Christ. She started attending Bible studies and wanted her sons to attend church as well. A year later, my dad decided to accept Christ into his heart. I'm really thankful for that. Everyone in my family (except the baby, because he's too young) has put their trust in Jesus. That's because my grandma believe on Jesus, which led my dad to Christ, then my mom, then me and my siblings. Isn't God wonderful?
My grandma's health was declining for quite awhile. My dad once went through some pictures of me and her from 2000-2005 and he was surprised how much she had changed.
After moving to Korea in 2009, my grandma's health seemed to turn for the worse. So in the summer of 2010, me and my dad went to America for a little over a week to check on her and to encourage her.
And here's the story from my 10-year-old eyes:
I will tell you what happened on [me and my dad's] trip. Boy, on the night before we went to [my Korean] aunt's [home], I was so exited. . . .
Man, things seemed a lot simpler back then. I didn't fully understand what was going on. I don't fully know what was wrong with my grandma, but my dad believed that the devil was attacking her will to live. In fact, at one point when my dad left me with grandma as he went on an errand. I asked my grandma a question, and she said something, but ended by saying, "Let me just go find a knife to cut my head off." Unfortunately, I wasn't old enough to understand a threat of suicide, but she didn't attempt to find a knife and went to her room. That's how bad it was.
Praise God, she did seem to recover from that spiritual attack. She still wasn't in perfect health (but wasn't really getting better), but she never again had a bout like she did in the summer of 2010.
At the beginning of 2015, I had a phone conversation with my grandma and it didn't sound like she was doing well. After that I went to my room and somehow had this feeling that we would lose her that year. I didn't tell anyone, because I knew I could be wrong and I don't claim to be a prophet (not by a long shot). It was really weird. (And my dad had a similar feeling in 2009 when we last saw her as a family. He felt that he would never see her again. Though me and my dad did see her a year later, we never did see her again after that, namely as a family.)
Sometime soon after that, we learned that my grandma was suffering a serious bout of amnesia. My dad attempted once to talk to her, but she was living 50 years in the past and it's not easy to talk to someone when they're mentally living in a different time.
Amazingly near the end of the summer, she seemed to recover and our whole family was so happy when we talked to her. It was wonderful and she was glad to be back. She wasn't 100% in terms of what time she was living. Some days would be better than others.
And I hate to say this, but the last time I heard her voice was one of the hardest conversations I ever had with her, because her brain was switching from the present to the past. One minute she was talking to me, then she'd say a comment like she would if my dad was a child. Really difficult conversation. And it was the last time I talked to her.
And she died probably a month later.
I honestly only cried for about a day. We had a memorial service in the mid-day. My grandma was a wonderful person.
I had mostly recovered the day after, though it wasn't back to real life right away. My dad and mom were still sad. I understood. I couldn't understand that I had recovered so quickly, but it must have been the fact that I didn't know her as well as they knew her. (In fact, my siblings didn't cry much for her, besides the memorial service, because they were so young when they had last seen her.)
Death is never easy. It's something we all have to embrace. It's part of life. And when God says it's time for one to go, it's time to go. I get that. But it's tough when God combines the day of my website's birth and the death of my grandma on the same day. There really isn't much I can do, except mourn and celebrate.
My grandma loved the Lord and is in heaven. Praise the Lord. I do miss her and that makes me sad. But it is a personal struggle celebrating a birth and death on the same day.
Not much else I can say; not much else I can do.
But our God is an awesome God and I still love Him for being so amazing.
Hello again! I’m so happy you finished reading my post, and, boy, do I hope you liked it!